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teens and sex : Oprah and Christianity Today
Posted by jankern on August 6, 2009
Recently I had a conversation with a parent of a young adult who is now out of the house, has chosen not to live according to his parents’ faith values, and who is in a new relationship. The father said, “I just told my son to be sure he was having protected sex.”
He felt powerless to challenge anything different.
So I want to stir up some good discussion here.
Watch Oprah’s show on Friday, on August 7th, 14 Years Old: They Say They’re Ready to Have Sex, a rerun, and you’ll quickly pick up a sense of the culture’s prevailing attitude about teen sex.
Related links on Oprah’s site:
Having the Sex Talk with Your Kids
Middle School Girls Talk About Sex
Contrast that with another discussion through Christianity Today’s August, 2009 article “The Case for Early Marriages.”
In this piece, Mark Regnerus says that abstinence pledges and courtship training may have left out teaching “young Christians how to tie the knot.” While some of his conclusions in his presented case for early marriages may or may not be the ultimate or only way to go, he brings up some interesting ideas to consider. (If you subscribe to the magazine, you can also read the three responses to Regenerus’s position, which add more interesting thoughts to the discussion.)
Read it all. Consider it.
Instead of feeling powerless as pastors, mentors, or parents of teens (or ignoring addressing the topic altogether), what can we do? What would help our children, teens, and young adults move in the healthiest way toward marriage with a God-honoring respect for the gift of sex and toward great relationships in marriage?
Please share your thoughts. But before you slap down a reaction, really consider the whole picture. I’ll be upfront and admit that this discussion is primarily targeted to those who have generally held to a faith-based perspective. What do you think God is calling us to? And how can we best help our youth get there?
And what advice would you have for the father I mentioned at the beginning? Is there an age when a parent should stop having influence on his child’s, albeit adult child’s, decisions about sex, relationships, and marriage?
Weigh in.
Pam Stenzel said
Scripture is clear…SEX is reserved for marriage…PERIOD. I think it is good to have the discussion Christianity Today (and many local religion sections of papers) have brought up about dating, courtship and early marriage, however the TRUTH REMAINS that WE ARE NOT ANIMALS at the mercy of our hormones (regardless of AGE or marital status) and that self discipline is a HUGE bonus throughout your life. As a married professional who spends ALOT of time on the road, minus my husband. I am forced to practice sexual self-discipline about HALF MY LIFE! Where does the integrity come from to remain sexually pure at 44? The same discipline that kept me sexually pure as a 20 year old bible college student! Many will be asked by God to remain sexually pure their ENTIRE LIVES! Is this an impossibility? What happened to “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ, who gives me the strength”?
In my opinion, this concept that we are INCAPABLE of controlling our sexuality just feeds into the WORLD’s LIES that are telling us we are LESS THAN VALUABLE if we are NOT sexually active or sexually atractive. I would much rather emmulate Mother Theresa than Britney Spears… thank you very much!!
Jan Kern said
Great comment, Pam. I love your fire and conviction!
Diane Stortz said
Is there an age when parents should stop having influence? I don’t think so. Influence is different than control. Parents of adult kids can tell them that we disagree with their choices and why (but do it without saying “you should…”), and we can find ways to communicate our love despite our feelings about a bad choice. Together with continued prayer for God to impact their lives, this is a powerful formula for having influence.
jankern said
That is a powerful formula, Diane–one that builds relationship and dialogue. I’ve met many parents who step way too carefully, afraid to offend their children–as if NOT saying anything would improve the relationship.
jankern said
Besides the book I offer, Seduced by Sex, Saved by Love–A Journey Out of False Intimacy, Pam Stenzel offers information, books, videos that have powerful messages that get right to the point. Visit her at http://pamstenzel.com/