What do you do when someone tells you they are self-injuring?
Most just want you to be there to listen, but realize that more often than not, they may share their story gradually. They’ll test the waters, see if they can trust you, but also if they can trust themselves to handle telling the story. Doing so may be difficult, painful, or shameful for them. For some, the anxiety they feel while even speaking about their struggle could trigger the compulsion to self-injure again.
More tips . . .
One of the questions I’m often asked is, “When do you refer to a professional counselor?” My answer is to always suggest it. Some may not feel they need it because their self-injury isn’t severe or frequent. But when self-injury is a consistent way of coping, when anxiety and other strong emotions are often present, professional counseling is needed. In that case, involve them in the decision and the plans as much as possible. Work with them to get that help they need.
Finally, be willing to learn more about self-injury. One resource is Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal—A Journey Out of Self-Injury. It tells Jackie’s true story and the stories of others, both girls and guys. It is written to the teen or young adult, but also provides background, help, and tips for those who want to come alongside to help. Check out more articles and resources on the self-injury resources page.
More posts on self-injury and helping:
self-injury–helping someone who is wounded and struggling–part 1
self-injury—helping—part 2
self-injury—helping—part 3
self-injury—teens helping teens
parents responding to self-injury
how you know someone is self-injuring
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My name is Michelle Brewer and I live in this really little community. At least nine of my friends plus myself used to or still do cut. Six of us decided to do something about it and we’re starting a group. It’s called Operation: Revolution. It’s a group of support for suicidal and self harm teens. We’re all juniors in the same high school and we would love to see our group turn into something national if not world wide. We have a ton of passion since this is really sensitive to us but we’re not sure exactly what to do. We have tons of ideas and we’re going in for a meeting with the guidance counselors on TWLOHA Day, hoping it’s a sign. Do you have any ideas for us?
I love hearing that you have passion & a ton of ideas. I would encourage you first to consider and think through together your vision statement. Just a few starter questions (and you may have already done this):
What do you want to be about? (Keep exploring ideas until you’re really clear.) What are the specifics of how you want to make a difference with Operation: Revolution? What are you each doing to change, heal, and make a difference in your own lives as founding members . . . so as role models you can make a difference in the lives of others? What is your core message of hope?
For instance, I boil down my vision in the taglline for my site to “true stories, true hope” and one of my core messages of hope is the deepest possible healing and freedom that comes through connection with Christ.
And then as far as getting known, Facebook is a great place to start when you’re ready to begin to go public.
I wish you well. Keep me posted!
Jan
We took some time to think about our project and it eventually came down to this.
We all want to make a “safe-haven” for people who, like us, had some problems with life. We’ve decided to expand though. Not only are we going to attempt to help with the issues of suicide and self harm, we’re going to be teaching classes at our high school on all sorts of subjects ranging from bullying to alcohol to abusive relationships.
Although our group is still in the very beginnings of its life, we hope that it’ll take off pretty fast. We put up a myspace page and we have an email and such. As soon as we can all get together, O:R is also thinking about T-Shirts, guest speakers and lots of community things that will hopefully alert and inform everyone in a… respectful, caring attitude. These aren’t light subjects but at the same time we don’t think it’d be the greatest idea if we started an out-pouring of community wide panic.
Starting this group hasn’t been easy but it’s going to be so worth it. I’m having all the advisors read your book. It’s a pretty eye-opening thing just to know that someone out there can relate. Sometimes that’s all anyone needs.
Thanks so much!
operation_revolution09@yahoo.com is our email address. It’s the one we made our myspace page from.
jan,
my name is ashley and i read your book scars that wound scars that heal. im current struggling with cutting and i have been since 8th grade. i was diagnosed with clinical depression. your book really helped me. me and my mom have been trying to.. trying to fight this. we both have a good relationship and we both know christ. iwould have mostly given up my life if i hadnt know christ. but i wanted to let you know that your book has really been helping me.
–Ashley
Ashley,
I’m so glad Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal has been helping. Thanks for stopping by and sharing that.
I can tell you have some other really great things going for you. Your relationship with your mom as you work through this together, and your relationship with Christ. Powerful!
It’s my prayer for you that he will continue to show you how to be fully free and will give you the strength you need to keeping moving in that direction.
God bless!
Jan
Jan,
Thanks so much. your such an amazing writer. Your so full of insciteful information
–ashley
Dearest Jan,
I hope u remember me from the book(lyle) I am contacting u for a couple reasons;
1. I now have a (as of 2-4-11) 19 month old son named jayden jireh matthew
2. to let u know I have been cut-free for over a year 1/2 now.
3. I have started my own website dealing with a FAITH based approach to recovery and addictions(www.divinesalvation.webs.com) feal free to add, join and refer my site anytime it would be helpful for you.
4. to let you also know just letting people read the book has given me wonderful chances to testify to other people who cut and able to let them know i do know what they are going thru.
5. to see about the possibility of getting another (replacement) autographed copy of it beings I have moved and in doing so I have lost my copy and am fealing a deep loss from doing so.
I have seen lots of wonderful responces about the book I helped take place in as well as all your other books and applaude you in your success.
please let me know if there is anyway to recieve another autographed copy of the book to replace the one that was lost in transit from my move.
God bless,
s. garmer(lyle)
P.S. we lost a son back in Dec. of *07 who ironicly was named Lyle
Yes, I do remember, and it is so great to hear from you. Thank you again for sharing your heart and story as one of those included in the book. I know, absolutely know, that each touches the lives of others who are struggling or who have struggled. Wonderful to hear about your family, though I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of Lyle.
I can send you another copy of the book, autographed. Go to the about page and click on “contact Jan” to email me to give me your current address.
God bless!
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