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how you know someone is self-injuring
Posted by jankern on March 27, 2009
Yesterday I spoke in a Youth Counseling class at William Jessup University. Part of what we talked about included the trends of self-injury and how those involved in youth organizations and ministries can best be aware of and help a teen who self-injures.
The class asked how you know someone is engaged in self-harming behavior. Typical signs might be the presence of frequent injuries, covering up with long sleeves and pants, multiple scars. You may notice a depressive mood. But self-injury is often secretive. It can even be hidden behind smiles and a life that seems, on the outside, to be going well. How do you widen your awareness?
It’s more about what you do than signs you may happen to notice.
Be a safe person for them to come to. You build trust through your transparency and authenticity and how you model your responses to your own struggles. More trust through how you care about others and how you demonstrate consistency in following through with commitments. When they do come to you, even for something small, they sense your compassion, your respect. You’re able to respond without shock, repulsion, or judgment.
You also can provide an open dialogue of issues and struggles within group settings. I feel strongly about youth meetings becoming more than just a place for fun. Yes, the games and craziness create great memories and builds friendships, but teens also need substance. You provide that in part through strong connections and conversation around the tough stuff of life, opportunities to grapple with and deepen their faith in God, a place to ask the hard questions, even address the “taboo” subjects.
When we’re offering that kind of place for teens and we’re building relationships with them, we’re far more likely to hear, “Hey, I need to talk to you about something.”
Tomorrow’s post, what to do when someone who is self-injuring does come to you.
Parents, check out parents responding to self-injury.
when someone who self-injures comes to you « Jan Kern said
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